“Real” men; “Real” women…

Real” men; “Real” women…

Remember those books…”Real Men…”

Does anyone read anymore, or has unqualified opinion all but replaced books with not, progress, but with the cheapest in trade of the written word?

Too often we hear that we are all entitled to our opinions.  Are we; really?  Opinion is a cheap excuse, in these “thrill of the moment” times, for posting blunt, unworthy, Neanderthal essay blogs which are not only unqualified, but disdainful of our fellows upon this earth, and daunting to the progression of any good, whatsoever.  At their best, blogs can stir in one the will to accomplish positive change.  At their worst, they become the slings and arrows – not of outrageous fortune, but rather, of our times.  The internet media is the new mud-pit, and slinging mud has become a by-product of the nature of those who take delight in doing it.  What a pity that such an eloquent stage has been festooned with muck and mud to no purposeful end save for some kind of sickness that thrives on the discomfort of others. 

This place, ah, but this place can serve us so well, and with benefit offered in abundance, more so than with any other venue.  Instead, it has become cheapened by those who would, in a rather self-appreciative, self-fulfilling way – compose written posts that are posted only to hurt; and then to strut over the pain of the writer’s victims.  Education can teach one how to write, but cannot teach that which should be common sensibility. 

I marvel, daily, at the massive following those who would throw the first stone carry with them on social media.  Their bravado in posts on the internet provides them with a picture-window to their childish deeds, like the boys who call the undertaker to come to an elderly neighbor’s house.  It also provides them with a smoke-screen, a modicum of protection, the ability to hit-and-run, and lastly, and more so, fairly the lowest attribute of such writers, the ability to be confrontational without facing their victim.  These, my friends, are folks who cannot look one in the eye and say the same things that they feel free to write, to their intended targets.  These are the very same people who, before internet social networks, spread rumors, talked dirt and falsely about their friends and relatives – but could not look them in the eyes to voice their opinions. 

It is easy to voice an opinion online.  Volumes of folks will “like” it.  It fires-up the malign in them, and gives them easier venue of their own, rather than becoming educated and involved.  If we could see beyond the persona, beyond the false-faces and clever turn of a phrase, I believe what we would find are those weasels, never quite fulfilled in their own chosen lives, never quite successful at anything, but oh, so opinionated.  An old-school journalist will tell you – there is no way to post anything but blind, uninformed opinion in the kind of volume we see on “social” sites.  It takes effort and work to take the time to QUALIFY one’s opinion. 

Real men and women?  Yes, we all have opinions.  Some have the benefit of deeper insight than others, and I so value that in a person – whether a post or a face-to-face conversation.  It teaches me, it opens my own eyes, and more so, it creates an interchange between the participants that carries with it a dynamic that goes beyond the conversation.  Real men have opinions, and they are not shy about stating them.  Real men and women admit when they are wrong.   Those who don’t, well, they’re just pretenders, caught in a world of their own creation.  They live the life of those who speak in make-believe tongues, and live through alternate universes – usually created by others; others with true talent. 

Why do I opine?  I have seen those I care for hurt.  Hurt by those who are all grins and giggles at their own self-fulfilling posts, happy to see them paid for in pain, and prospering by the kudos of their followers. 

Real women and men invite your comments – may disagree – but are always open to a legitimate point of view we may have missed, or misconstrued.

Real men – real women, the invitation is extended.  You all see the same things as I do – so what are your thoughts?



Newspeak, And Control Over The Masses

Who among us does not consider that the language of “texting” is not Newspeak? Those in constant exchange with this simplified, lack of structure language may not even understand the reference.

Big Brother has been watching, for many years – and in 1984, there were watchers already in place. The standard has only gotten more sophisticated since. This – WordPress – is a site with many writers, many bloggers and many opines. Though we are all entitled to our opinions, the world is rife with replacing common sense by unqualified opinion. Our facts are not hard facts, they aren’t even soft facts – they are revisionist information that folks are allowed to presume are full and accurate portrayals of fact.
Though many personal opinions can be complete with true and honest fact, to the best of the person’s ability to determine them, the majority of blogs, and opinion, are not. It is difficult to say that opinion is without merit – for surely as a part of our culture this is not entirely so – it is easy to find that most opinions are based upon little or no truth.

The damnable thing is this: Once upon a time in America, the press, the media, provided us with journalists complete with a moral code to keep their opinions out of their reporting. The facts, only the facts and ALL of the facts were reported in a non-emotional, non-opinionated work. Opinion in the press – regardless of its medium – was limited to Editorials/Commentary and the occasional “Human Interest” piece. The press has come away from all that, relinquishing the chains of propriety and replacing them with emotionalism, opinion and a presentation which is meant to sway a reader from making an informed decision to making decisions based upon their wish to perpetuate the reporter’s own determination of the way things should be. If nothing else, we homo-sapiens are very opinionated. It is unfortunate that the press, in a positon of power through their contact in the media and social networks, have chosen not to present the facts, only the facts and ALL of the facts, they have chosen to manipulate the opinions of others by presenting the sensational, their opinions on the sensational, and only the facts that support their personal ideologies.

It has diminished us.

Yes, the language of texting has moved us into the Orwellian future. We were, my dear readers, forewarned. We just chose not to learn that lesson, not to acknowledge that a work of fiction portraying what might be, what could be, and what we might prevent, should to any degree be taken seriously. Though fiction – it is all about Truth.

Big Brother is watching. Newspeak is the language of the people, and opinion is the tool of both the press and the government. Without revolution, of any kind, including standing up for the rights guaranteed to us by the Constitution, there will only be change which will degrade society and keep the power of our future, of our children’s future, and of all the lives of the citizenry ever forward under the well controlled, extremely structured Socialist moires of those already staunch with power; and not to the benefit of the People, but to the benefit of the Political and Power machine.

Revolution does not need to be “Johnny get your gun and storm the White House”. Revolution can be just as effective when done quietly, with fact and determination, and by the masses. We must not allow government to determine how we should be controlled. This is precisely the reason we declared our independance. We must demand that government represent the People and does what it does FIRSTLY in the interest of the PEOPLE, and not in the interest of what has become the Defacto Royalty of the United States of America. We must vote, all of us. We must become active in our pursuit to keep the government “of the people” and “by the people”. We must NOT allow our Congresspersons and Senators to exempt themselves from the law – ANY law. And we must, as distasteful as we may sometimes circumstantially find them, protect and defend our Bill of Rights. For as sure as the sun rises, if we allow that well constructed, well perceived document to be tampered with, we lose all grounds as citizens of what was, and can still be, the best government, the best country for mankind. This, the protection of our Bill of Rights, and this alone, will bring us back to prosperity. Buried within that document is the key to overcoming the mess that our non-representorial representatives have brought the condition of this country into.

Alan Dershowitz – whether you like him or not, was correct to defend the Constitutional rights of those citizens for whom we may often find hatred and loathing. If we do not apply our Bill of Rights and the premise of our Constitution equally to all citizens, we open a doorway to diminish our own rights.

And so I leave you with this thought – Change starts with the simplistic, indeed, Control over the society starts with the basic, simple and saturating acts for which all mankind is prone to. The whole of what I have written might one day show up in our social Newspeak as: OMGWTF!

By then, it will be much too late.

The Holidays, or, Who Makes It Happen?

The Holidays or Who Makes It Happen?

It is love that moves us. For want of money, always sparse, it is love that brings the happiness and glow to the holidays. From this love we distill the essence our happiest and most cherished memories to carry forward. This essence of love becomes our own personal base of how we see and feel the holidays, and how we eventually celebrate them as adults. Since life is not stagnant, neither is the essence of what we bring to our celebrations of life, love and family. It is ever changing, sometimes for the better, sometimes not – we learn in time. This is who we are, and often we do not celebrate life daily, as some very rare few do. We tend to be more involved in day to day living, and so, we save it up, all those things we feel but never say aloud, all those un-broached words of thanks, those tender moments we felt but did not openly express – we express them in our celebrations. This is not to say that we always miss tender moments or opportunities to slow down and say what our hearts feel. We often do. We always mean to express it more often. Our holidays give us pause to express our happiness, our love, our hopes.
I was a child of divorce. When it finally stormed into my thirteen year old life, it was a relief, not a disaster. That it had taken so long in its post-mature arrival was not a bitter disappointment. Once it arrived, the bitterness for that young lady evaporated like a gently clinging dewdrop on a hot morning. Witness to the final fight, I drew in a huge breath of pure relief, and of hope that this wasn’t going to go away – that it would happen, whatever else may come up.
In September, he moved away. He moved so far away, from our home on the East Coast to his family on the West Coast, that I had no longer a cause to worry. That year Mother had no money for Christmas, and little for Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving a fire truck showed up outside our front yard and delivered a turkey, all the trimmings, and two wrapped gifts; one each for me and my sister for Christmas. Our supper, a baked chicken, was already in the oven, and Mother dressed up the meal with some favorite foods. The turkey and trimmings had to be prepared another day, but it was a welcomed gift. That year we had two Thanksgivings.
A half a year later and across the country at another Coast, I cried. My father’s family had so much. I had never fully realized the disparity until the turkey dinner in July that my up-until-then unknown Aunt Betty prepared when we came to visit. There was so much…so much.
I sat at the meal, met cousins I had never known, and heard all the remarkable stories, saw that they wanted for nothing. At fourteen I cried because they could not know. They had never known want, and could not know that on Thanksgiving, we had baked chicken, and made the gift of a turkey another day. And we were thankful for each other, and for our freedom from what had been a form of oppression. How does a fourteen year old express this to relatives she has never met? I didn’t. Instead, I cried.
Adults have their own perspective, and often these are self-serving to their own agenda. It was at this meal that I learned to be silent. No amount of that trite old song, “Little one’s should be seen and not heard.” ever connected in the way that the conversations of the family I never knew, connected, on that day. Of course, I was meant to hear it all. As an adult, I do not see it as pre-planned, but it was human nature at its most predatory, towards the weakest, and least able to deal with it. The July celebration was to make up for all those Christmases and Thanksgivings we never had the chance to share. It was also a display put on by relatives grasping for the leverage to have their brother’s children come live with him, instead of across the coast with their mother. Back then, there were no laws preventing one parent from having custody in their state of residence while the other achieved custody in a different state. As with inanimate things, possession was nine-tenths of the law when it came to custody of the kids. And so, the manipulation game began.
I suppose I was a bit lucky, because, although she was expert at the game, my paternal grandmother did not really want us there, complicating her life. Father had always been the runt, the least favored son, and his life was so wonderful that he ran away at sixteen to join the Navy and go to war. He was “found out” at nearly 18, and the Navy discharged him without recognizing his service. He walked out of Navy service and promptly signed up for the Coast Guard. After all, by the time they caught up with him, he would be eighteen, and of age to serve. It would be nearly a lifetime later that the United States of America finally recognized both his Navy service and his Coast Guard service.
At this time in his life, Father had returned to his mother’s house, and those 14 year old eyes of mine were witness to the snide, curt way he was treated, as if of a lesser class, perhaps there to serve. This attitude was extended to me and my sister. Father would go to work, we would be awakened, made the bed on command, and told to sit on the bed without moving, for hours. It was nearly impossible for me, and quite impossible for my five year old sister. It took only a week of this for me to protest to Father that if he did not move us out of that situation, when I spoke to Mother, she would arrange for us to be on the next flight home if she had to come get us herself. It was the most frightening thing I had ever had to do, for fear of Father’s wrath. It was only through mature eyes that I realized much, much later in life that he, too, wanted to manipulate the situation until he could get custody, and Grandmother was tipping the apple cart.
That summer, whenever and wherever there were aunts, uncles or cousins, the California lifestyle and how beneficial it would be for us to go to school there was always worked into the conversation. There were gifts, grand at first, but later we travelled to Disneyland and Knott’s Berry Farm. Clothes were the gifts then; amusement parks were expensive. Father’s way of getting us out from under Grandmother had been to put us up in a week-to-week efficiency apartment at a motel. He also purchased a camper truck, which is where we stayed at night when we went to amusement parks, and when he was in the casinos in Reno. Father always had enough money for what Father wanted and what Father wanted to do. Everyone on his side of the family seemed to be able to afford a wonderful lifestyle. Mother was a waitress. Of course life would be better in California. Father had to supply medical coverage, and he was on the Kaiser plan. This meant that if we needed to see a doctor, we would have had to go to California, from New York to do it. Whatever was Mother doing wrong? Father’s family knew, and made sure that I knew, too.
Summer could not end soon enough. The summer of going to great places, doing great things and being the subjects of a family movement to convince me to tell some lawyer or judge that we should be with Father and that Mother was not good for us had its low, dark sides, too. Shoeless in a Reno campground while Father gambled, I ran to the office building to get a deck of cards. Back then, they gave them out like free mints. Another girl in the campsite told me, so I ran over. I never made it to the office. A fallen tree branch I jumped over had a hidden branch on the other side that caught my little toe, and pulled my nail so badly that it damaged the nail bed. When Father finally came back to the camper, I had washed it with water, and wrapped it in a facecloth. Did I see any doctor? Nope. In the efficiency apartment, my sister slipped in the gunnite pool and chipped her permanent front tooth. We both bear marks of the summer on the West Coast. Those physical marks are small. The damages from helpful relatives left scars no one can see. They all meant well.
In a way, I was lucky again. I did not have to go through the routine I went through with Father before he moved away – when he would pick me up on Saturday for visitation, and he would say horrible things about Mother and, in my first recognizable tutelage of Revisionist History 101, would always make proclamations of how good a Father he is, a provider, how much he loved us. Mother asked for this divorce, Mother wronged him. He was just an innocent husband, and blindsided by her.
The California Celebration meal, the family, the manipulations, even the trips to the amusement parks, San Francisco’s fisherman’s wharf, the love-children of Haight-Ashbury, all lacked the thing that would have been the hardest for children to give up. You see, it is love that moves us. There may have been some heartbreak, even that inside, backdoor glance into love would have been welcome. This was not a summer of love, as the signs in Haight-Ashbury had espoused that year. It was the summer of winning. And they so wanted to win that they forgot that love, pure and unconditional, is what children want. By the time I was past the fear of being with Father, without Mother to protect me, I knew the score. I had not words to express it back then, but I knew. It’s a funny thing, a child’s love of parents. Regardless of good, bad or indifferent ones, all they want from their parents is to be loved.
I never had another celebration gathering so complete and so beautiful again. I had holidays that were not so opulent in food or gifts or accoutrements, but gatherings that I remember fondly. And, in later years, I made it happen, even when times were rough. This was the difference. It wasn’t about having a nice holiday, so much as having a holiday that was nice. Anyone can go through the motions, make a child want for more, especially with that double-punch of manipulation that tries to convince a child that this is good, and the other parent’s ways are not. Whatever the equation, it was about making it happen with and for the children, not as a show, not an inducement, not a manufactured manipulation, and the passing on of secrets to weigh upon a child until he cannot breathe. We spend this time together. Once or twice each year – so how many do we really get to have when our children are children? When the magic is in the love, not in the effort to prove who is better? My daughter knows. You see, SHE is the one who makes it happen. Even before the split, before she took the weight upon her shoulders without the relief of knowing how much it is, and how long she can keep shouldering it. She makes it happen.
I see children in my life, one so close in age and going through what I went through at fourteen, fiercely intelligent, and caught, even when he has removed himself from actively participating, in a web of deceit and pain. Another, always so loving, is changing. Every week he changes from who he is to someone sullen, someone silent, someone who does not know what to believe, and who cannot hurt those he loves by delivering the hurtful messages that were handed to him, implanted in his mind and shakily borne by a psyche that had not been given freedom from oppression. It takes sometimes hours, sometimes days for his recovery after his visits.
It is a theft, a robbery, one supported by the legal mores of the times. It hurts him, and in turn, we who love him feel our hearts break to see it. We can only hope that the love we feel for them – you know – that unconditional love, gives them the soft landing they need to recover, gives them the perspective they need to see the difference between having that nice holiday, and having a holiday that is nice – one filled with love, laughter, and happiness. One without placing a weight upon a child’s shoulders to take with them, but rather a pile of simple leftovers, or even better, a good day that comes to an ending with that happy question: Grandma, can we sleep over?
I suppose, as an aside, I should underscore the point of view here, as well. It’s about spreading the love and in particular that essence that is the wealth of holidays. When there is little or nothing physically there, someone “Makes it happen.” It isn’t about how nice one’s house is decorated, or how beautiful the tree. Nor is it about the number of gifts or if they were the best money could buy. It’s really about bringing it to the children. When there is little to spare, what makes the difference, and what stays in memories are the kindness and the love. It’s not “Come here and celebrate.” It’s “What do you need at home?” It’s not that $30.00 bakery tray of cookies that are remembered, so much as that cookie recipe mom made with the kids on Christmas Eve, and how everyone created their own cookies, everyone decorated their own – which became both memories, and gifts for all to oooo and ahhh over. It’s the sharing, the doing, the little things like food coloring on the fingers, and powdered sugar in the hair. It’s not about the new camera. It’s about a picture no camera can capture, and memories that sustain and refresh love every time we remember. And, it needs to be brought to them, not them to it. The cure should not be – if you don’t have it at home, you can come here and enjoy ours. The cure is, if you don’t have it at home, dear loved ones, what can I do to help? Let’s find a tree, even if it’s little and scrawny. For children, moreso, I think, than we adults, beauty truly IS in the eye of the beholder. There’s more love in one day of making it happen than in a year’s worth of shopping and decorating. It’s our love and sharing that enriches us. This culture of ours is one of top-heavy consumerism. A child’s inheritance should not be the dismissal of the spirit of the holidays in exchange for the monetary value of gifts nor the goal of always having the newest and the best. A child’s inheritance should add to their lives, in ways that the acquisition of things cannot. The true inheritance will show itself, one day perhaps far into the future, when two brothers celebrate and remember that year, that time, that holiday when “we baked cookies for everyone, and mom got red food color on her face and the dog knocked into the table and there was flour everywhere!” It will not be carried forward on the memory of getting the latest game console, or an ever smarter phone. One day, around their own family table they will say, simply and in soft tones, “Remember how Mom always made it happen?”

What bothers you about our choices?.

Election statements, true, false, twisted or straight-up, no nonsense. It’s worrysome, the way this 2012 Presidential Election is going. Your insight is welcome here.

September 5, 2012 at 8:24 pm

In a quandry… And who isn’t. Since the past election, I’m not very happy with the way things have been spoon fed to ‘we the people’. Some issues doggone near crammed down our throats. There are lies and disingenuousness on the part of both major parties. One party ignores the individual rights of we humans, yet espouse that our rights are given by Nature, not government. The other party would grant individuals the rights to make their own choices when it comes to decisions determined by their own beliefs, and yet, at the same time has pushed upon the people a boondoggle of a health plan that will neither serve all, nor cure problems for providers. There are quiet little quirks and add-ons that have no business being in the plan, and yet, there they are – and these items have diminished our rights and controls as citizens.

I cannot believe either major party is anything but self-serving. The people, we citizens, will never agree on everything. It’s my belief we can agree on one thing. Government is of the PEOPLE and should be BY the people. It most assuredly is not. It has slipped through our hands, and we are in a scramble to get it back; a losing scramble, I might add. It’s like trying to catch a bushel of grains of sand in a windstorm, with nothing but a seive to catch it with.

I do not have the same religious beliefs as either party, but worry that the winning party’s belief system will be foisted upon us – one way or another. I have a right to have my own conscience, my own, ever changing, often maturing belief system. It is part of who we are, and does not demand that we take away those same rights from our fellows in this country.

I’m a staunch defender of the second amendment. Criminals who abuse texting and substances while driving have taken more lives than criminals with guns. Mind you, there are plenty of folks who are decent, law-abiding citizens who are NOT criminals. The laws in place have not been upheld – the laws that protect us all. This needs to be done first.

I’ve given you a lot to mull over. Mull away.

The blog isn’t meant to be a debate, nor have a winning argument. It’s intended to shed some light on a difficult situation – the election of a President. I want you to contribute to your unique, often insightful thoughts and observances on the issues of the office itself. I want to know what issues you feel take priority in your decision over others. And, if you will share it, I want to know who you feel is best suited for the office – who you will vote for – and why. I’ll have my questions – help me out.

Mostly, I worry. I worry that somehow, some way, this simple freedom – to voice our opinions – will be punished. It does not seem impossible; and, it does not seem very far off. We struggle with our future here. Tell me what keeps you up nights about the election, too.